In the thick of our trauma, we might forget that where we are does not define who we are. Who we were in some of those hardest moments is not who we are today.
The greatest battle I have fought was not denying that the abuse was real, but reclaiming my identity long after it ended. It was untangling the names, labels, and lies I had accepted as truth about myself—survival strategies I built to endure a toxic relationship and coercive control.
So many of us spend years wearing masks that were handed to us by:
Pain and rejection
Abuse and systemic control
Failure and fear
Deep, paralyzing shame
Pretending I was fine, hiding the heavy burden of psychological abuse behind a forced smile. We begin living as though those labels define us. Eventually, the mask no longer feels like something we wear—it feels like who we are.
But whose words should I trust? The opinions of people who are just as broken as I am? Or what God has spoken over my life?
The answer seems so much more straightforward than the amount of effort and time I have spent on convincing myself of these truths. I know I’m not alone.
Jacob's Wrestling Match: A Story of Divine Identity Change
God provides some beautiful comfort for us in this struggle through the life of Jacob. His name literally meant deceiver or heel-grabber. From the moment he entered the world, this label rested over his life. Whether spoken by others or reinforced by his own choices, he lived beneath this identity.
Then came one of the greatest identity changes in all of Scripture:
"Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome." (Genesis 32:28)
Holy What?! ❤️ I can’t wait to talk to Jesus, because I have soooooo many questions! (He may intentionally delay my homecoming because I know He knows all about me and my questions, lol. #1 is going to be “why mosquitoes, why?”)
God blessed Jacob and gave him a new name. A new identity. Israel—a name associated with God's prevailing purpose. God spoke freedom over him from the identity that had defined him.
The Freedom to Wrestle with God
God makes us new, restoring us to the identity He designed us for. It was through Jacob's story that I found the freedom to wrestle with God.
I walk along isolated shores and give Him everything I feel and hate and hurt about.
“Better with Me than those around you, Love,” He said to my soul long ago as I struggled to hold everything together for my little ones in the midst of horrifying circumstances.
I can’t hurt Him. I give Him all my worship and all my pain.
I can bring Him my questions, my grief, my fears, the lies spoken over me, and the offenses that consume me. He is not threatened by our questions, friend. Nor is He offended by tears or surprised by our pain. He is the unconditional Love we can hold on to that will never turn His back on us or let us go.
In His love, you’ll find truth surfacing above the lies. Keep searching His Word and you’ll find His Voice clear as day in your everyday! I look back and I am amazed at all He has done in my life and the woman He has made me. Not perfect, but wholly His. Wholly loved, and day by day, wholly healed.
31 Biblical Affirmations for Your Identity in Christ
In Christ...
I am loved. (John 3:16)
I am chosen. (1 Peter 2:9)
I am blessed. (Matthew 5:6)
I am holy. (1 Peter 1:16)
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
I am saved by grace. (Ephesians 2:8)
I am never alone. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
I am secure. (John 10:28)
I am adopted into God's family. (Romans 8:15)
I am strong because Christ is my strength. (2 Corinthians 12:10)
I have not been given a spirit of fear. (2 Timothy 1:7)
I am a citizen of heaven. (Philippians 3:20)
I am sealed by the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 4:30)
I am heard. (1 John 5:14)
I am healed through Christ. (Isaiah 53:5)
I am delivered. (Psalm 34:4)
I am accepted. (Romans 15:7)
I am comforted. (John 14:26)
I am protected. (Psalm 3:3)
I am forgiven. (1 John 1:9)
I am justified. (Romans 5:1)
I am being transformed. (Romans 12:2)
I am sanctified. (1 Thessalonians 5:23)
I am a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I am approved in Christ. (2 Timothy 2:15)
I am redeemed. (Ephesians 1:7)
I am renewed. (Colossians 3:10)
I am more than a conqueror. (Romans 8:37)
I am seen. (Psalm 33:18)
I am equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:17)
I am free indeed. (John 8:36)
We can take off the masks and receive the identity our Father gives us. Where I was is not who I am. Where you are is not who you are, friend. In Christ, we are being made new and made wholly loved ❤️
